Ten pointers for living in married chastity

Folks, recently a brother asked for my advice as to how to live in married chastity, meaning, the right use of that sacred and pure gift of sexual love exclusively directed to one’s spouse. That brother was facing some difficulties in his life which he wanted to conquer in Jesus’ Name. I want to share my answer to him, hoping that others too, may benefit:

Like you, I am a married man with children. I’m familiar with temptations of the flesh. Thanks to Our Lord and His grace I’ve been able to discipline my mind and my body to avoid these kind of temptations and channel my sexual love solely to my wife, who is and ought to be the only person destined to received my love in all its spiritual, mental, and bodily dimensions.

Like you, I’m neither insensitive nor completely immune to that sort of temptation. The current fashions, our prurient culture, casual attitudes toward sex and sexuality, and the constant bombardment by an oversexed media conspire to make us fail from our best resolutions. Based on my experience, I suggest you do the following:

1. Find a faithful, holy, and prudent priest that may become your Spiritual Director and Confessor. Unveil your soul before him and he will heal you in Jesus’ Name. Make confession to him regularly.

2. Receive the Eucharist frequently. If you can't receive Him sacramentally, then make an act of spiritual communion similar to the following:

"My Jesus, I believe that you are present in the most Blessed Sacrament. I love You above all things and I desire to receive You into my soul. Since I cannot now receive You sacramentally, come at least spiritually into my heart. I embrace You as if You have already come, and unite myself wholly to You. Never permit me to be separated from You. Amen"

3. Mortify your senses: hold your gaze away, don’t seek to look at someone else’s beauty beyond mere aesthetic admiration. Once you cross the threshold from admiration into desire you’ll be in forbidden territory. Human beings are no mere things, they are not objects for one’s self-gratification. They are gifts, and only one is meant for each of us, unless we respond to the higher call of celibate chastity. Learning where the line between admiration and possession lies requires self-knowledge and discipline. Cultivate them.

4. When you discover that you are about to fall into temptation, pray this prayer: "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner." Say this prayer until the temptation loses its edge or disappears entirely. In general, pray frequently.

5. Practice a mental “diet”. When a thought pops into your head, doesn’t matter how innocuous it feels, but that you know very well will lead you to sin, label it as such, say the prayer “Lord Jesus Christ…” and then switch your attention to something else.

6. Know yourself. Practice introspection. Find the roots of your sinful inclinations. Once you discover the root, with the help of your confessor, ask Jesus to grant you self-mastery. Ask Him to grant you the means to overcome and heal your root-weakness that leads you into temptation.

7. When you are with your wife, think of no one else. In the marriage act, our bodies are the gifts we give to each other. Give yourself to your spouse totally. Hold nothing back. Tell her with all your heart “my love, I’m yours, only yours and no one else’s”. Enjoy the chaste, pure love that the Lord grants you in each other. In the loving embrace with your spouse, sexual pleasure is pure, chaste, and holy. Don't soil your mutual gift with extraneous things. Which takes me to the next point:

8. Run away from pornography. Don’t watch pornography, alone or along with your spouse. If you own any smut, destroy it and dump it.

9. Say this prayer daily:

"Lord Jesus, please come and heal my wounded and troubled heart. I beg you to heal the torments that cause anxiety in my heart; I beg you, in a particular way, to heal all who are the causes of my sinfulness. I beg you to come into my life and heal me of the psychological harms that struck me in my childhood and from the injuries that they caused throughout my life.

Lord Jesus, you know my burdens. I lay them all on your Good Shepherd’s Heart. I beseech you — by the merits of the great open wound in your heart — to heal the small wounds that are in mine. Heal the pain of my memories, so that nothing that has happened to me will cause me to remain in pain and anguish, filled with anxiety.

Heal, O Lord, all those wounds that have been the cause of all the evil that is rooted in my life. I want to forgive all those who have offended me. Look to those inner sores that make me unable to forgive. You who came to forgive the afflicted of heart, please, heal my heart.

Heal, my Lord Jesus, those intimate wounds that cause me physical illness. I offer you my heart. Accept it, Lord, purify it and give me the sentiments of your Divine Heart. Help me to be meek and humble.

Heal me, O Lord, from the pain caused by the death of my loved ones, which is oppressing me. Grant me to regain peace and joy in the knowledge that you are the Resurrection and the Life. Make me an authentic witness to your Resurrection, your victory over sin and death, your living presence among all men. Amen."

10. Pray this one also:

"Heavenly Father, I come before you as your child, in great need of your help; I have physical health needs, emotional needs, spiritual needs, and interpersonal needs. Many of my problems have been caused by my own failures, neglect, and sinfulness, for which I humbly beg your forgiveness, Lord. But I also ask you to forgive the sins of my ancestors whose failures have left their effects on me in the form of unwanted tendencies, behavior patterns, and defects in body, mind, and spirit. Heal me, Lord, of all these disorders.

With your help I sincerely forgive everyone, living or dead members of my family tree, who have directly offended me or my loved ones in any way, or those whose sins have resulted in our present sufferings and disorders. In the name of your divine Son Jesus, and in the power of his Holy Spirit, I ask you Father, to deliver me and my entire family tree from the influence of the evil one.

Free all living and dead members of my family tree, including those in adoptive relationships, and those in extended family relationships, from every contaminating form of bondage. By your loving concern for us, heavenly Father, and by the shed blood of your precious Son Jesus, I beg you to extend your blessing to me and all my living and deceased relatives. Heal every negative effect transmitted through all past generations, and prevent such negative effects in future generations of my family tree.

I symbolically place the cross of Jesus over the head of each person in my family tree, and between each generation; I ask you to let the cleansing blood of Jesus purify the blood lines in my family lineage. Set protective angels to encamp around us, and permit Archangel Raphael, the patron of healing, to administer your divine healing power to all of us, even in areas of genetic disability. Give special power to our family members’ guardian angels to heal, protect, guide, and encourage each of us in all our needs. Let your healing power be released at this very moment, and let it continue as long as your sovereignty permits.

In our family tree, Lord, replace all bondage with a holy bonding in family love. And let there be an ever-deeper bonding with you, Lord, by the Holy Spirit, to your Son Jesus. Let the family of the Holy Trinity pervade our family with its tender, warm, loving presence, so that our family may recognize and manifest that love in all our relationships. All of our unknown needs we include with this petition that we pray in Jesus’ precious name. Amen"

The most important thing, my brother, find that Spiritual Father that will help you grow in your friendship with Jesus. Don’t forget that Jesus is the incarnation of God’s Divine Mercy who is always with you. May the Lord bless you and yours.